• Christine Ward

That Steady, Boring, Messy Love

That’s the Real Deal

It’s Valentine’s day, and you might find yourself or your partner (or both) harboring expectations of grand romantic gestures and showings of appreciation (even if you say otherwise). This is a great day set aside for lovers everywhere to remind each other of their importance, and to profess their undying love for one another - or whatever Cupid said. I know I still look forward to the gifts, candy, and the extra lovin’ and attention I always get on this day.

Sometimes I find myself wishing that the grandness of Valentine’s day can be repeated every day - or at least a little more than once in a while. Every so often, I get into a mood where I think my hubby and I are getting into a rut and letting each other’s needs come after everyone else’s. Then I start having “those” thoughts that every other female I know has, even though I know they aren’t even close to being valid.

You know what I’m talking about.

So many of us females who are in long-term relationships get to feeling like our men are a little too complacent. We can start getting resentful, wishing that things could be different. I’ve complained about it myself and have also listened to it many, many times (take note here fellas). We live in a society where the perfect vision of what love is, is continuously shoved down our throats, whether in books, tv, or movies.

That shit isn’t even realistic.

Love isn’t what we’re all groomed to think it is, and then disappointed when we find out it isn’t. It isn’t always being showered with gifts, backrubs, and breakfast in bed. Love isn’t constantly being told you’re the most beautiful (or handsome) and amazing person on God’s green earth - and it most definitely isn’t full of daily swoon-worthy, picture-perfect moments.

No, love isn’t that.

Real love is waking up next to someone in the morning and gagging and laughing because of their dragon breath - then farting on ‘em. It’s picking a pair of (motherf***ing) pants off the same (mother***ing) spot on the floor every single day, and it’s waking up to hold and comfort your significant other in the middle of the night when they’re having panic - without complaining. It’s messy, it’s boring, and it’s steady.

That long-lasting love is the feeling of relief you have when your other half comes home from work and cooks, even though they’re tired, because they know you’re not feeling up to it. It’s sharing the “look” when your kids aren’t watching - and feeling the anticipation of much-needed affection. It’s a slow burn, a deep well of patience, and completely understanding another human soul.

It’s messy and full of stupid arguments and forgiving each other when you’re mad. It’s forgetting what the actual argument was even about, then laughing at each other while you make up. It’s being willing to work through resentments. It’s knowing the other person's limits and respecting them.

Love is knowing that your person will be by your side even through your darkest days.

It’s feeling like someone really sees you - I mean, really sees you.

That’s real, steady, boring, and messy love.

I’ll take that over flowers any day.

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